The Gay Veteran

Since I have to visit the VA Hospital again soon I sat down and put some of my thoughts on paper for the Psychiatrists.  Since no one at the Little Rock VA hospital ever reads this and anyone does only dismisses as utter rubbish I’ve decided to post it here on my blog word for word.  These are the real issues I am obliged to deal with in this fucking situation here in Morrilton and in Arkansas without apologies to anyone.  I suppose people in the freaking VA and McClellan feel I owe some type of loyalty to them the State of Arkansas and those in Morrilton feel I owe the city of Morrilton loyalty, fact is I don’t owe either of them a God Damned Thing other than the life long lies, denials, and rejections I have received by all four of them that’s all I’ve ever received from any of them.  Nor do I really care what type of emotions or feeling this invokes from the readers who surf through here.

To the VA Psychiatrist because “doctors” these are the real fucking issues I am dealing with and no I do not expect it to one fucking bit of good one way or the other (too much fucking hate and evil working to make sure it doesn’t).  The real issues you assholes here at the McClelland and the VA are refusing to even acknowledge let alone provide treatment for and if that piss’s the VA off well tough shit. I hate Morrilton and I hate Arkansas and the no hate filled bastard for whatever his reason is ever going to make me like them.  I hate Morrilton and I hate Arkansas for all of the lost opportunities they have cost me and for all of the rotten health care I am obliged to have to put up with because of them.  I hate Arkansas and Morrilton for all of the fucking empty wasted years that both have stolen from me.

I hate the cowards in it, that through their contacts in the VA, the Postal Services, The FBI, Telephone Wiretaps and the Ass Suckers that fucks it up for me, whenever I do leave this city and state and forces me to have to return because of family members.  I hate the Stagnated mentalities I am forced to deal with on a daily basis.  I hate the poverty I am forced to exist with and make do and the fucking attitudes of Morrilton and Arkansas.  I hate the fucking Dixie Mafia of Arkansas and all of the fucking Inner Circle in Morrilton, and all of the God Damned Straights on the Downlow and all of the fucking Closet Queers that service them in the wee hours of the morning.

I hate all of the God Damned Social Isolation I am obliged to suffer with because of my openly gay lifestyle and the state of personal disrepair.  I hate everything this fucking town and state either takes away or turns opposite to what it was for me in New Orleans, LA.  Noting is enjoyable anymore not even the simple act of eating food.  Eating these days involves doping my teeth with oral severe pain relief because of my painful rotten teeth, something the Dentists at the VA hospital in New Orleans were willing to take care of for me.

I hate all of the God Damned years The Military, The lowdown VA, Morrilton and Arkansas have stolen from me because of their asinine Greed, Hate, Resentment, and Jealously and stagnated, closed minded small-minded mentalities and attitudes.  Morrilton is a fucking cesspool in a wagon rut that should never even have been on the drawing board let alone gotten off it.  I get two fucking medications through this fucking hospital (McClelland) because the God Damned cold hearted stuck up Doctors here are more concerned with how much lab work they can order for the fucking research project’s.

Well I had the opportunity to set this Hospital and the fucking VA Regional Office right down on the fucking hot seat through a local news station (with camera crews, reporters and the whole nine yards) and I chose to turn them down because it’s a fucking public spotlight I for one have no intention of stepping into.  But then again I may yet change my mind and do it anyway (depending on which way Don’t Ask Don’t Tell goes).

The doctors in the New Orleans VA hospital were going to pull all of my broken painful rotten teeth and provide me with a brand new set of false teeth, while this VA hospital want even talk to me about it (the difference between good doctors and a good hospital and bad doctors and a bad hospital).

That’s only a small token of what this VA Regional Office, Hospital and the fucking hate filled coward through his fucking whining and contacts.  Morrilton and Arkansas may you rot right on into stinking all our oblivion.  Well I don’t feel I am obliged to have to provide any type of research that’s going to benefit any veterans that I myself will never see any benefits from.

Veterans that never would even associate with me while in the military, and never even wanted to in civilian life.  This is only a few of my feelings and thoughts about this God Damned Hospital, CAVHS Morrilton and Arkansas in general, nothing more and nothing less.  Morrilton breeds hate, jealously, resentment and greed and forces in whether it wanted or not.

On top of that the military knocked out my whole fucking sexual libido and put me in a life long state of clinical impotence, so much for making any type of fucking money in porn, modeling, or commercial movies and that’s what the God Damned military gave to me.  Sure as hell wish I could have known then what I know now, about the fucking VA health care, and fucking military.  I would have stated then, that not only do I have homosexual tendencies but am all a homosexual.   I hate all of the utter fucking fear I was obliged to suffer through for the two years of active military service, of being afraid to ask for help in Vietnam when the fear became so overpowering I couldn’t even budge a muscle let alone get up and move around, of finding out after my return the same overpowering fear had struck others here in Morrilton.

The repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will be under a great deal of debate this year, from members of Congress, the Senate the DOD as well as the Joint Chiefs of Staff, it is one of my fondest hopes Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is repealed.  Not so much that Gays might serve openly in the military, but that just maybe this VA Regional Office, CAVHS and this hospital (McClelland) will be put a the public hot seat because of all of the utter hate and discrimination The VA Regional Office, CAVHS and McClelland has shown in the past and continues to show in the present towards openly gay veterans and civilians.

I once publicly stated Morrilton should be declared an all out Health Hazard, what I should have said is Morrilton should be declared an all out Uninhabitable Toxic Waste Dump.  Chronic illnesses are common, ranging from shortness of breath, chronic congestion, chronic fatigue, sudden unexplained lumps in the throat, chronic constipation, chronic stomach virus, hair loss, prostate cancers, chronic depression, insomnia, and chronic unexplained body pains and chronic kidney and bladder infections.

The hospital is little more than a bandage station for the poor and psychological services in this area are worth mentioning only because Morrilton has a counseling service (Counseling Services of Arkansas, Formerly Human Services of Arkansas).  As for them providing any type of effective treatment suffice it to say that not even a dog or cat could find any effective treatment through them.

R Gilbert

Non-Compensated Gay Vietnam Veteran